Today I was working on organizing some papers in my room and being too lazy to get up out of my chair to reach the stapler, I just sat up real tall and leaned towards the table it was sitting on. As I leaned in the direction of the stapler I could feel the weight of my chair shift (It’s one of those old office chairs from like 1972, bright orange vinyl and solid steel weighing in at about the same poundage as a Lincoln Towncar).
Acted upon by gravity, the chair continued traveling downward. To avoid tipping over completely, I cleverly arrested the chair’s momentum by bracing my head against a cabinet door as it’s weight slowly pulled on me, sliding my face down the side of the cabinet and into the floor.
It all happened so slowly that I had a lot of time to think on the way down and I thought, “I bet my face looks really funny right now and I’m kind of glad no one else is around because in a strange way, this is kind of fun.” Miraculously I landed so softly it was almost like I had been wearing a parachute or something.
So now I am laying on the floor sideways, still in my chair and wondering what to do now. The first thought that came into my head was Arte Johnson in that yellow raincoat on “Laugh-In” riding the tricycle that always tipped over, usually because he ran into a pole or something. Those of you who weren’t watching television in 1970 won’t remember, but some of you will.
After I was able to catch my breath from laughing so hard, I managed to dislodge my body from it’s landing position. My neck got a good stretch and there is a red blotch on my left cheek from where I slid my face down the side of the cabinet, but other than that I sustained no injuries, not even a splinter and I didn’t technically fall out of my chair, so I’ve got that going for me, which is nice.