Monthly Archives: January 2016

The Nefarious Hanger Strap

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You are all probably familiar with those plastic loop things they sew inside the shoulders of women’s clothing items that helps to keep it on the hanger (hanger straps). I don’t think they put those in men’s clothes. Probably because men hardly ever hang their clothes up, but more often just drape them over various furniture pieces, or leave them on the floor, but I could be wrong. However, all my lady friends will be able to relate to this story.

Today, I was at Kmart and had gone over to the shoe aisle to try on a sweater (it’s the only place there is a mirror) I slipped the sweater on and as usually happens, it looked way better on the hanger than it did on me. So I was taking it back off when somehow I got my head stuck in one of those loops which freaked me out a little and I became disoriented just for a second, but it was long enough for me to lose my balance and fall face first into a pair of Cobbie Cuddler suede ankle boots and we both fell on the floor with an audible thud.

So I am now sitting on the floor in Kmart in the shoe aisle with a sweater stuck on my head and the plastic loop is strangling the life out of me. I sat very still afraid to move, sweater still bunched up on my head. I peaked out of the collar on the sweater to see if anybody saw me because that would be really embarrassing.

Luckily for me nobody was around to witness the bind (literally) I had gotten myself into. With a little skillful maneuvering, I was able to successfully free my head from the savage grip of the rubberband-like sweater appendage which is meant to be helpful, but if you’re me, can also be dangerous. Hence, this shall serve as a Public Service Announcement from me to my peeps…be mindful of those hanger straps girls.

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New kind of low calorie cookies

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After successfully making an enchilada casserole, I tried to bake some cookies, but couldn’t remember the proper temperature so I guessed. The cookies burned. I could tell by the acrid smell of smoke coming from the direction of the kitchen. Also, I was not aware that parchment paper would burn let alone catch on fire. So you know, there’s that lesson learned. I have surmised from this experience that 425 is too hot for parchment paper, and cookies apparently. In other news…I found a liquified cucumber in the back of my fridge. I threw it away, but I’m eating these cookies, at least the ones that weren’t near the flame. Those are not quite charcoal yet and I heard that burnt food has less caloric content so, you know, I can have two for the price of one….never mind the extra carcinogens.

Attempt to look cool…failed.

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Sitting a four-way stop on Ashland today I spotted an ex-boyfriend of mine at the intersection. I smiled and waved coyly. He smiled and waved back. Then it was my turn to go. In my attempt to appear like a had something going for me, still waving and trying to look cool, I took off too fast in first gear and squealed the tires. My car lurched forward into the intersection which made the sun visor come loose and just as I was doing my best ‘come hither’ look, it swung around and hit me right in the face. I’m almost sure he wants me back now more than ever.