Monthly Archives: November 2015

Happy Thanksgiving

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My kitchen sink shot craps last night and leaked the Pacific Ocean all over my wood floor in there…hoping it won’t warp. What a day not to have a working kitchen sink. I am currently in my bathroom peeling potatoes while sitting on the toilet…oh joy! Still I have a lot to be grateful for, so I just smile, rinse the next potato and lay it on the edge of the tub with the others. Happy Thanksgiving!

 

Another Embarrassing Moment

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I went to Hobby Lobby tonight to scope out Christmas tree decorations and ended up in the art supply aisle (imagine that). As I strolled down the main aisle I tried to maneuver my way around a pole, but apparently I picked the wrong path because my cart got wedged between the pole and an end cap. I tried to back up, no luck. I tried to go forward…nope. I continued wrangling my cart forwards and back, tried lifting it up, nothing worked. I was starting to get embarrassed now and seriously considered just taking my purchases out of the basket and going stealthily into the night never to be seen again and just leaving the cart there for someone else to deal with, but I decided to give it one more try before slinking away in shame. One final shove with all the force I could muster broke it loose. However, the propulsion I had created in my attempt to not look stupid made the cart flip backwards. I caught it mid-air arresting it’s momentum and was just about to breathe a sigh of relief when on it’s way back to the ground, it took out a display of ‘Children’s Hair Fashions’…so much for my effort to avoid looking stupid. After I finished scooping up the sequined headbands and flower hair clips and shoving them back on the rack throwing most of them on the shelf below, I decided it was time to make my way to the checkout counter before the universe decided I needed to be humiliated further. I’m happy to report that I made it through the checkout line and to my car without another incident. I kind of wish I hadn’t been by myself as these things are always much funnier when there is someone else there to witness it, but my re-telling it to you all will have to suffice.

They sucked me in.

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I swore I was not going to listen to Christmas music until after Thanksgiving even though Oldies 95 has been playing it 24/7 since Halloween, but alas, I was flipping through the stations and heard Karen Carpenter crooning “The Christmas Waltz” like a hypnotic lullaby and before I even knew what was happening, I was howling,It’s that time of year, When the world falls in love, Every song you hear seems to say, Merry Christmas, May your New Year dreams come true,” at the top of my lungs. To add insult to injury I then drove right past my own driveway because Chuck Berry was on now singing “Run, Run Rudolph. I drove down the parkway and back home so I could finish listening….I have no will power…sigh

It’s on now.

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Here you can see the spoils of my shopping spree today. Thanks to my ex-husand, Chip Gulledge, who gave me a $50.00 gift card to Kohl’s for my birthday, I’m channeling my inner Audrey Hepburn. I like to imagine myself graceful and slender and oh so in vogue, just like Audrey. Of course that requires an avoidance of mirrors and large reflective panes of glass, but it works for me.

In other travels today I secured a new toilet seat for the bathroom and bought a new latch for the door which keeps the kitchen trash can secure and beyond the reach of my dog. He learned how to open the old one, a trick it only took him seven years to master. I installed the new hook just a few minutes ago at which time he walked over to the door, undid the latch with his nose, then gave me a look (I swear he was smirking) and walked away as if to say, “Nice try.” Oh, it’s on now.

Happy Birthday to Me.

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I must say I feel blessed with all the birthday wishes today. It’s been a good day despite the fact that I tried to cut my own bangs (again). “Go ahead, cut your bangs,” the voice in my head said. “You won’t look like a small polish boy,” it said. I’m embarrassed to go back to my stylist because last time, after the haircut she leaned down towards me and I hugged her…turned out, she was just trying to unsnap my smock…awkward.

And also today, I tried to be cool by tossing the TV remote into the air and catching it, but I missed and it bounced off my head instead. Other than that, it’s been a good day to be 57 for the first time.

Halloween Fun

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We’re taking off to an early dinner and a movie to avoid the hundreds and hundreds of trick-or-treaters coupled with the bumper to bumper traffic on Ashland tonight. The last Halloween we stayed home we counted 850 kids before turning out the lights and hiding in the house. It was fun when the kids were young. We had a big party and everybody would bring candy. The kids sat on the porch and handed out candy while the adults ate beef burgers and hot cheese dip with an adult beverage or two, but now that they’re all grown we don’t do it any more. Leaving home for the evening is the only way to avoid the onslaught. I’m just leaving a bucket of mixed tapes on the porch, with a sign “Please Only Take One Each.”

He could at least try

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It would be so awesome to come home and discover my dog had cleaned the house and folded my laundry. Alas all he did while I was gone was get into the kitchen trash and leave a trail of Taco Bell wrappers across the dining room. He also ate an entire box of Triscuits (including part of the box), chewed up some dental floss and a package of emery boards. He’s sharpening up his teeth so he will be ready the next time we leave him home alone.