I’ve tried to avoid thinking about it, but alas its lawn mowing season again. I am the last one on my block every year to mow my lawn for the first time. I wait until everyone else has mowed theirs first and then I’m basically shamed into dealing with mine by the terse smiles from my neighbors and the comments like, “Wow, beautiful day isn’t it? A perfect day for yard work (wink, wink)” The neighbors to the south mowed theirs last weekend and then the lady on the north of me had the lawn service come and do hers this week which made my lawn like even more like a hay field than ever . So, I finally had to break down and attempt to mow my lawn. I rolled my rusted, crusty oil soaked lawn mower out of the garage today and it started right up like a good little lawn mower should, even though it still has old gas from last summer still in it. I say a prayer every spring before I pull the cord and voila! It starts right up every time. It is a magic lawnmower and I love it even though I don’t show it. It’s sort of a love/hate relationship. I started to push it and it died, so I started it again, got about 10 feet and it died. This went on for about 15 or 20 minutes until I gave up and had to admit there is something wrong with it. It’s probably a dirty carburetor or a clogged something or another. I’ve had it for ten years and I ashamed to admit that I have never taken it in to be serviced, poor little thing. I’m a terrible lawn mower custodian. If the government had a division of lawn mower services I’m sure a lawn mower social worker would have come by now and taken my lawn mower away to a nice lawn mower foster home.
The place that takes care of lawn mowers is of course booked solid for the next several weeks and my neighbors will not wait that long for me to mow my lawn without lynching me first. Actually what would probably happen is that my neighbor, tired of looking at my unkempt lawn would come over and mow it himself as he has done on several occasions. He has a new riding lawn mower that his got last year. I know this because last May he introduced me to it and showed me how it could turn on a dime and went really fast. “Watch,” he said as he took off across the yard at lightning speed. He got to the other end of the yard then wheeled around doing a perfect 180 and zoomed back to his starting position. I have never seen his face beam so brightly, his chest puffed up with pride. I really think he loves that lawn mower as much as he does his own children and uses any excuse to go out and ride it around the neighborhood.
I did not want to be that one person on the block that everyone resents, so I called my ex-husband and he brought over his mower for me to borrow until I can figure out what to do about my dilapidated one. His is a very manly lawnmower, very unlike my dainty little Craftsman. It has huge rear wheels and all kinds of fancy knobs, the heavy duty version of a lawn mower. It took me the whole front yard to get used to it. The first time I put it into self propel mode it took off so fast and pulled so forcefully that it reminded me of that time I borrowed a professional grade floor sander from my Uncle Ron. The machine got away from me and went twirling all around my living room like a drunken fruit bat. My uncle finally caught up with it and got it back under control, but not before the handle had put a hole in my drywall. Thank goodness my uncle had stayed behind to help even though I told him I could do it by myself….Ha! I was so young and naïve in the way of industrial strength floor sanders.
Anyway, after the mower jerked my arms out of their sockets and drug me across the yard for a while I finally realized that on this fancy mower you could just let go of the self propel bar when you needed to get your strength back or turn a corner and then pull it back up when you were going in a straight line. I finally got the hang of it, but only after digging so many ruts in my yard that it looks like we have been taken over by gophers. There was only one close call when the huge wheels grabbed onto the decorative stones around the front flower garden. There for a minute I was afraid the machine might careen up over the edging and knock me ass over ankles into the rose bushes, but I wrangled it back onto the ground before I incurred any injuries.
Tomorrow we will tackle the back yard which is already full of holes because we have two dogs who like to dig. It’s like a mine field. I’m saving that for Ben. Right now I am researching prices on big manly self propelled lawn mowers. I have decided I like big powerful mowers. I also like big powerful men except the lawn mower goes in the garage and minds its own business until I need it again…perfect.